​The emotional roller coaster of losing a wanted pregnancy, scrambling to raise money to travel out of state for an abortion and dealing with the onslaught of comments from internet trolls would be debilitating for most people. 

For Allie Phillips of Clarksville, Tenn., the experience motivated her.

Phillips, 29, is running as a Democrat against her Republican state representative, one year after she gained national recognition for sharing her story and crowdsourcing funds through GoFundMe to travel to New York for an abortion.

She’d learned her fetus, who she named Miley Rose, had been diagnosed with multiple fetal anomalies that were incompatible with life. By the time she found out, Phillips needed to secure abortion after 20 weeks of pregnancy.

But Tennessee’s trigger ban went into effect in August 2022, meaning that nearly all abortions are banned, with limited medical exceptions. Phillips’ situation did not qualify under the law. Her doctor told her she could either wait to miscarry at home or research her options out of state.

After the experience, she’d reached out to Jeff Burkhart, a Republican who represents District 75 in the Tennessee state House of Representatives. They’d met and discussed her idea about carving out exceptions to the state law for cases of severe fetal anomalies like the ones Miley Rose had. Miley Rose’s heart had already stopped beating by the time Phillips arrived at her New York abortion appointment.

Phillips didn’t get the response she was looking for. She said she was disappointed in Burkhart’s response to her situation and inability to get the abortion in-state.

“I had to do something, but I didn’t know what exactly,” she said.

Ultimately, she said, Burkhart’s response moved her to declare her candidacy for the seat he held. 

Both Phillips and Burkhart are running unopposed in Thursday’s primary. The Tennessee General Assembly has a Republican supermajority in both chambers.

Burkhart declined a request for comment.

Phillips has fought back in other ways as well. Last year she became a plaintiff in a lawsuit challenging the state’s restrictions regarding emerging medical conditions.

Lingering impact

What would have been Miley Rose’s crib was still behind Phillips when she spoke to CQ Roll Call from her home by Zoom in July. 

“There’s days that I sit and cry about Miley, the fact that life has gone to shit and this happened to me,” said Phillips.

Prior to her abortion, she described herself as not very politically involved. Juggling the emotions from losing a wanted pregnancy, having to seek an out-of-state abortion and the aftermath changed her. 

In February she testified before the Senate Budget Committee — approximately a year after the loss of Miley Rose.

“I grieved her loss alone in a city I’ve never been in, far away from the comfort of my home, my family and my friends,” Phillips testified. “I was so depressed that I couldn’t go to work for another week after we got back and all together, [my husband] Bryan and I lost three weeks of pay, which is rough for a family that lives paycheck to paycheck.”

Phillips runs an at-home day care that she started in preparation for the birth of Miley Rose because child care would have otherwise been unaffordable for her family. Bryan works at a forklift company. Her family also relies on Medicaid. If elected, she wants to advocate Medicaid expansion —Tennessee is one of 10 states that have not expanded it — and push for six weeks of paid leave.

Mental health toll 

She said the stress for new parents of possibly losing your job or losing income can fuel depression, especially compounded with the influx of hormones after giving birth.

When her older daughter Adalie, now 6, was born, she remembers people coming in to check in on the baby but failing to ask how she felt.

“She’s minutes old, and I can’t breathe, but you’re not asking how I’m doing because I’m freaking out. I brought a human into this world, and you’re going to let me go home and I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said.

There’s also self-doubt, said Phillips, speaking from experience. It can be taxing to be plagued with thoughts about whether you are doing enough.

“I was not myself,” said Phillips, who said she has had depression since she was 14 and has taken medication for it. “I’ve battled that [self-doubt] and that demon, so allowing us to have access to mental health care would be beneficial.”

Online attacks

Cyberbullying also remains a problem.

Phillips acknowledged that the online comments reacting to her speaking about her personal experience can get “spicy” and “they hurt.” They’re also rarely said to her face.

Online commenters “are safe, they are behind a shield. They exercise that right and they’re not thinking about any consequences,” said Phillips.

Being open to talking about her experience requires a thick skin.

“But when I think of people who may not be as strong as I am when they share their stories, some of these comments could take people to the end of the rope,” said Phillips. “And I think about that if they do, that needs to be punished.”

But in the process of going viral sharing her story and running for office, she’s also heard from a number of other women in similar situations.

“Before it was my story alone, and now it’s my story and I’m fighting for people,” she said.

When people reach out with their own stories, she encourages them to share them broadly to normalize situations like hers.

“Because it’s all very traumatic and when it’s a planned pregnancy, to let it go, it’s hard,” she said. “I haven’t had time to actually grieve.”

This report is part of a series supported through the Rosalynn Carter Fellowship for Mental Health Journalism.